I am learning a lot lately…

I’m learning no matter how hard you try, you will still be kicked in the teeth, spit on and made to feel like a failure.

I’m learning that certain kids have selective memories and that these are in full swing particularly when they haven’t seen one parent in a year. Miraculously, that absent parent (the one who CHOSE to NOT make the effort to see them for a year)…that parent becomes a hero. He suddenly understands her like I never have and never will. He can offer her independence and freedom (because he was allowed free reign as a child). He can swoop in from on high, snatch her and the last 16 years of me coming to her aid, battling her bullies, defending her honor and standing up for her no matter what…that can all just be erased from her memory.

I’m learning a lot. That being a mom really sucks sometimes…it breaks your heart and walks away with a smile on it’s face.

Somehow, I still wouldn’t trade it for the world. Instead, I will sit here and wait. I will continue to love her with all my heart, I’ll wish things were different, I’ll support her, I’ll guide her, I’ll discipline her, I’ll encourage her, I’ll keep her best interests first and before my own selfish desires, I’ll love her unconditionally…even when she breaks my heart.

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